Friends

It's easy to forget that Facebook "Friends" aren't necessarily really "friends." Oh, they may be people with whom one is "friendly" but they are often just acquaintances, folks who have shared a common experience or passed through the same school or job; been in the same show, commented on the same blog or shared the same bloodline somewhere along the way. Some are even one friend removed, a casual friend of a casual friend.

Now, I have nothing against frivolous social networking. I've certainly posted my fair share of pictures and comments and badgered "friends" to join causes, buy tickets for plays, read this blog. And I've enjoyed other people's similar self expression. But "friend" can be a dangerous term if one starts to believe it.

Textual conversation always runs a risk of being misunderstood. Especially electronic text, which can be sent more quickly than one can consider how the reader might interpret it. Emoticons not withstanding, it is difficult to express sarcasm, or self deprecation, or a friendly wink and a smile in a two line post. In the early days of the Internet, I used to teach night courses in which I cautioned students to be careful what they put in emails - it is so easy to be taken literally, or be misunderstood, or worse to be understood perfectly in a message for which one wishes the "send" button had never been clicked.

But with friends, chatting real time or in wall-to-wall posting, this wouldn't be such a big deal. Because friends know each other. They have a history together, know what kind of person each other is, know the kind of things one would never say, or at least never mean. And, with that comfort, say things to each other in ways that they would never say to strangers. Or casual acquaintances. As simple as pet names, as complex as monotonic satire.

And when real friends hurt or shock or disappoint each other, they can talk about it.

But without that history, without that understanding of who the other party is at heart, hurt and shock and disappointment are all too easy to ignite. To be clear, I'm not personally worried about being on the receiving end. I'm both so easy going and so thoroughly calloused that it is hard to hurt or shock me. And since I tend to have no expectations and give the benefit of the doubt to people until I learn otherwise, disappointment is a rare feeling.

I am sure, however, that I've been on the delivery side of all three. My friends know that I can have a caustic wit, and have a hard time resisting a funny line even if it is a sharp one. My friends know that I don't mean a harsh thing against any one of them, that I am even more likely to direct quips towards myself than anyone. My friends know what kind of person I am, what I believe, what sides I take and so know when I am being straightforward and when I am using hyperbole or sarcasm to make the opposite point. My friends put up with it, or appreciate it, or like it and join in. If they don't, they probably aren't going to stay friends long.

I use myself as an example, but I'm fairly certain we all do it. We develop lines of communication with our friends, sometimes over our whole lives, where things can go without saying. Because they've already been said. And to folks who haven't heard all of those things that are too long to use as preface to every single two line comment on their posts simply have to take things at face value, tinted by their own feelings that the commenter probably does not anticipate.

I'm not going to apologize for not delivering my whole life story as background color every time I talk to a friend. After a while, the aggregate of items posted by an individual on a semi-public forum will tell what kind of person that individual is. And some time along the way, others on the network will have to decide whether it is the type of person they want for a friend. And if it isn't, what the person says really shouldn't matter that much.

Now Is Not The Time

It's almost over - more or less. In less than 24 hours, the Bush Cabal will for the most part be flushed out of the White House and down the sewer of history. Barak Obama, the first African-American President, will take his turn at the oval office. Yay, I think.

I have plenty of reservations. I could even list some of them here and now, without going into details yet. But it can wait. Now is not the time.

So lift you champagne classes, cheer the end of one dark era and the beginning of a fresh new one. Hang with friends, smile and hug and get a little teary-eyed with hope. Because no matter what happens, we now at last have a chance again: a chance to make Democracy work. A chance to return to a government for, by and of the people.

That, to me, is the most exciting and hopeful part of this historic event. It is also the most daunting. On Wednesday, Jan 21, 2009, we can get to work again. But now is not the time to think about that.

Now is the time to celebrate.

Stevie's Restaurant Guide

Regular readers (yes, both of you) have probably figured out that I am a complainer. A ranter. A whiner. But it isn't my fault - so many people, events, politicians, religions and businesses just plain suck. I'll tell you about my experiences with Chase Bank another time to show you just how much.


But, to be fair, that's only "most." Once in a while I'll stumble on someplace that doesn't suck. In fact, sometimes that place is quite good. Even excellent. And when that happens, I suppose I should put aside the curmudgeon and let you all know.


So we went to Eros World Tapas Bar last night. The event was my youngest daughter's 21st birthday. It was critical that she find just the perfect place to celebrate. She is, like her mother and all of her siblings, vegetarian. We wanted to go someplace new where the food was a little special, they would have plenty to choose from, and she could have her first chocolate martini. Add to that the facts that we live in Atlanta, which is not exactly the cultural center of the world whatever locals may believe, and it was a daunting task. Tapas seemed like a good choice, but where? After poring over a multitude of websites, the birthday girl picked out Eros.



The restaurant is located on Monroe Drive near Piedmont under I85. It's an area of the city I've never really been to before. I found out why as we approached - the neighboring businesses all seem to be strip clubs, adult bookstores and peep shows. Even Mrs. Winners' billboard is advertising legs and thighs. The building looks like a spaceport from the first season of Star Trek - it's easy to imagine Captain Kirk and Spock walking up the pathway to meet with the Tirolian Warlord Council inside. Actually, I think it was once a bank that was trying to be far too hip and collapsed in on itself. Being Monday night, it was fairly deserted. We wondered whether we'd made the right choice.


It was a little chilly inside. There was only one other group of diners. We were greeted and seated quickly - too quickly to change our minds and go someplace safe and familiar - maybe Applebees in Roswell, or O'Charlies in Sandy Plains. Here we were, Inside the Perimeter, the suburban mom and dad and their little girl (and her boyfriend) at a place called "Eros" in the heart of the stripper district. The BF noticed that the large greyscale prints decorating the interior were closeup sections of a naked woman's body (though tastefully done, like an Oil of Olay ad campaign.) Were we out of our league?


No, we were not. We were home.


Our server was a pleasant, cheerful, friendly, efficient young woman. The birthday martini was not chocolate, but I understand that it was delicious. Our server made a big hit (and earned a big tip) by bringing a lit birthday candle out with the drink and holding it for the b-day girl to make a wish. My two dirty martinis were excellent - also, quite generous and powerful. Three would have been too many. And then there was the food.


The problem with being vegetarian in Atlanta is that it usually means ordering a bean burger or a pasta primevera. There are exceptions of course - Waffle House will hold the bacon, and if one doesn't mind paying a premium for rice wrapped in a little kelp there are a few sushi places. But Atlanta, and the south in general, are not Meccas to non-carnivores.


At least half of the menu items at Eros seemed to be vegetarian. And interesting. And (I can say this because we ordered most of them) delicious. The spicy potatoes were exceptionally good. The Green Bean Tempura was a favorite. Then of course there were the non-veg plates. I would have been happy eating nothing but the prawns - perfectly spiced, tender and lovely with crunchy little legs (sorry, veggers - but they are.) But then I would have missed the Calamari. Have you ever ordered calamari and ended up with a pile of deep fried rubber gaskets? I have. Not this time. It fairly melted in ones mouth. And finally (Molly Ivors and Thers, this is for you) the Chorizo Lollipops = chorizo, blue cheese stuffed figs, wrapped in bacon on a stick. If it had stopped my heart, it would have been worth it.


These were real tapas, not a bunch of appetizers disguised as tapas. Everything was fresh and tasty. Our orders came promptly and correctly. And as many dishes as we ordered and passed around, there are plenty more we didn't get to for next time.


So yeah, the world generally sucks. But once in a great while, with the right occasion, the right companions, the right place, and a couple of very strong martinis, it can be not too bad after all.

Shakespeare's Geopolitical Works

From The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged). More or less.

"Because Shakespeare's geopolitical works are some of my favorite stuff. Really. I mean, it's like the stuff he wrote about four hundred years ago is still relevent today. Like that scene he put in Hamlet where Polonius and Ophelia discuss the failed U.S. banking and mortgage systems under the Bush Administration."

Starting Over

So here I am having my first cup of coffee in the first new week of 2009. Here I am. Surveying the same old world in a brand new year. Oh, sure, we're going to have some milestones. Make some history. But we do that every year, one way or another, and it never really seems to make a significant difference. All those historic changes and achievements and advances seem, in spite of the intense and concerted efforts of those who bring them about, to be in the end random, ineffective flashes of light that never really illuminate a path forward. Too like the lightning which ceases to be ere one can say it lightens, as a famous Elizabethan blogger once posted.

And thus, Stevie Guide. I see now that this is my sacred obligation - to shine like a shaft of golden light while all around is darkness. Or at least to keep enough fairy dust in the air to cast some lasting shadows.

The question you are probably asking yourself is "why me?" Fair enough. But what you should really be asking is "why you?" Think about that for a moment while I formulate the answer. Why should I (by whom I mean you) listen to you (that is to say, me?)

Why? Because I am not an expert. Allow me to explain. And then to sum up. A few days ago, I was involved in a silly debate in the comments section of another blog which shall rename nameless because I am here to promote my own blog, not Eschaton. Besides, Duncan is an expert and so I can't recommend paying him any mind. The point is, one of the regulars (not even a troll) claimed that circumcision would be an effective means to battle AIDS in a high risk population (which I took to mean "Africa.") There is, of course, no definition of the word "effective" that would make this hypothesis even remotely true, but the commenter (who shall remain nameless here because I ridiculed him enough at the nameless blog) linked to some statistics^* from the CDC and NIH indicating a reduced probability of transmission of STDs in circumcised men and then asked a very reasonable question: Whom should he believe, scientific experts at two of the most respected health organizations in the world, or some guy commenting anonymously on a blog under the name "dirk gently" (that is to say, once again, me.)

The answer is obvious.

No? Well, think about this. About six years ago, the experts told us all that the nation of Iraq had to be stopped. Iraq had a highly trained standing army of Republican Guard as vicious and powerful as the Sarduakar (another fictional army , coincidentally commanded by the emporer Shaddam), unmanned aerial drones capable of spying on American soil, biological and chemical Weapons of Mass Destruction, and a nuclear program on the verge of turning the western hemisphere into a single boiling mushroom cloud. Not to mention, Saddam Hussein was secretly training his sworn enemies, the Al Queda terrorists, and had been personally involved in the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center.

These experts included the United States Secretary of Defence, Secretary of State, National Security Advisor, Vice President, President, the CIA, the FBI, the NSA and of course Bill Krystol. Experts and organizations that had unprecedented and unsurpassed access to information, facts, statistics and analysis with which to prove their points and justify their actions. On the other hand were mopes like me who insisted that none of the experts' assumptions or conclusions made the slightest bit of sense. Mopes who looked at the vial of talcum powder presented by the United States Freaking Secretary Of State as evidence of Iraq's anthrax program and said "Hey, it's just talcum powder!" Anonymous amateur analysts armed only with logic and a lack of personal agenda.

Whom should one believe?

Anyway, the point of all this ramble is that had Stevie Guide been available six years ago, hundreds of thousands of lives might have been saved. Hundreds of billions of dollars. So I apologize. And I'll try to do better from here on in. Now, I can't promise that every post will potentially save hundreds of thousands of lives, hundreds of billions of dollars, or civilization as we know it. But I will make the same promise that Senator Al Franken makes - everything will be the truth, except for the jokes. In fact, I'll do Al one better: some of the jokes will be true, too.

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* I can post links, too. Click the circumcision picture.